A COLLABORATION: The HUMAN EXPERIENCE

I know it’s crazy of me to think everything should make some type of sense…..

but what the actual f$!% is going on. Why am I feeling this way. why am I so sensitive and what am I doing. I just want to be alone. But I feel lonely. Like even when Im with people I feel invisible so why even try. just be alone. People don’t want me anymore because I pushed them away. Something didn’t feel right so I came back to myself. Ive been irritable lately. Feels like so much effort to keep up with other people. constantly… Like I’m putting so much effort in, I’m exhausted. so I retreat to myself. I try to make sense of things but I can’t because I can’t make any sense out of it so I just forget about it. Im shouldn’t be trying I should just be. I feel like I may be going crazy.

LETS PUT IT IN A RATIONAL TONE.

We have seasons. Right now Im feeling like being alone. that is allowed right? But then I disappear from peoples lives with my random overwhelmed feeling to come back to myself and so people find me un-reliable, and that I am. I need to be alone sometimes I guess it is a part of learning and becoming? But then I loose people.

I don’t feel I am able to confide in people because I don’t know how to communicate my sense of overwhelm with just existing.

I still don’t know what’s going on

I thought maybe writing would help and it did to an extent, instead of laying in my bed in the dark in my head i am able to have some sort of release so that’s good.

Im disconnected from connection. misunderstood and confused. and that’s okay one day it will all make sense. Or it won’t. What is happening right now it not wrong and it isn’t bad it just is. Maybe it’s a mental problem, but it is what it is. I sound crazy but thanks for reading if you made it this far. Im thoroughly surprised, anyone reads this non sense chaotic mentally break shit.

ok bye…. see you next time. Im fineeeee… I’m more than fine, blessed even. Just trynna find some sense where I feel nonsense and am nonsense.