A COLLABORATION: The HUMAN EXPERIENCE

moving on and letting go

It hurts so much prioritizing one’s mental health and growth over the desire to be in the presence of someone you have been with constantly for an amount of time. Proximity bonds and letting go of harmful attachments. Wanting someone in your life but knowing they can’t meet you where you are. Having to let go and find your way without them, but also wanting the exact opposite. It’s like the deepest ache, so discomforting. Every day, having to choose the future of yourself over the comfort of being with somebody.

Going from being deeply connected to someone to strangers everywhere you go. Going from feeling so misunderstood but trying to salvage a connection that you knew couldn’t be saved. It’s extremely humbling. And honestly, that could be the worst part— not being fought for. Being let go. It hurts the ego, but I guess that’s the best thing that can happen. Breaking down my ego until there’s nothing left but my true being. Letting people be themselves and me doing me.

It’s crazy how we can sit in the same coffee shop and remain unacknowledged. The same coffee shop where we used to sit together, but now, we are just strangers. My stomach turns and all I want is to feel his presence again. Us together. But not enough to forget about all the reasons why we didn’t work. All the different pain I was in when we were together. All the pain I caused myself by trying to endure a relationship I knew would never be what I needed to be.

It’s like, for some reason, choosing a known suffering is easier than choosing an unfamiliar peace. But the conscious choice to pursue an unknown peace brings only uncomfortable growth. Like growing pains? But emotionally and mentally, that also manifest physically. Like recovering from an addiction! A very unhealthy one that you lost yourself in and that changed who you are and how you think. I choose to stay mindful about my recovery, the way I perceive creating new connections with others, the way my nervous system reacts to it. One day at a time, continuing to acknowledge the feelings that arise and letting them come, and then returning back to the present. fully experiencing the feeling that come along and not trying to hide them from view.

One day all the feelings that are so raw right now. Will feel like something completely different in the time to come. Change is constant. nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass.